March 22nd, 2017

  • roybot

the bluchs are terrible people

the bluchs are terrible people. the bluchs give out apples and pennies instead of candy on halloween. the bluchs buy bruised vegetables, on sale. the bluchs do not donate to charity. the bluchs do not do drugs. the bluchs believe in god, but they do not go to church. the bluchs watch american idol, but they do not have a favorite contestant -- they like them all well enough (which is, to say, not much at all). so, you'll understand me, that when i tell you the bluchs are terrible people, i do not mean to imply that they do terrible things. frankly, if they did, that would make them much less terrible, simply via being something of note. instead, there is nothing. should alien life exist and visit this rock, the bluchs represent the singular most terrible choice of specimin to harvest and analyze. to do so would be to make a laundry list of everything humanity does that is simultaneously cringeworthy and uninteresting -- and we wouldn't want that.

Posted by Reverend Tedward Q. Porktanker