February 16th, 2014

  • roybot

on riced internet, adventure chooses you

gallituding fingers and straining mcculloghs iced through the the moment's remaining thread of quiescence, tangents of pie unable to escape the sadness lurking on the surface of the latte, like a bacterial film. the bananas of yesteryear, defiantly rendered in cloud-hosted sepia, somehow represents your inner mayhem, carefully regulated by the pharmaceutical industry, but still undeniably present. there is a stench of microwaved CDs in the air.

Exits: North, West

? n

you seem to have materialized inside a glass bottle inside a giant spice rack. based on a napkin calculation using your experience working for the bureau of mines, you have 20 minutes of air left.

Exits: Obscured by giant boulder of paprika

? sass paprika

you sass the paprikia mightily, and it tumbles aside. wasting no time, you insolently kick out the plastic flip top, and climb down to the kitchen counter.

You are on your kitchen counter, approximately the size of a mouse. You have no explanation for this.

Exits: Various

? swim in lays bbq chips like scrooge mcduck

fulfilling a lifelong a fantasy (and risking the efforts of years of therapy) you swim about in the Lays (tm) BBQ chips, laughing manically, eating frisbee-sized clips.

You are swimming in Lays (tm) BBQ chips.

Exits: Chips, chips, or not chips

? not chips

reluctantly, you tear yourself away from the salty, greasy paradise. however, the memory (as well as numerous oils, nitrates, and saturated fats) lingers with you. As you step out of the bag, however, the Disney (r) corporation arrests you for infringing on copyright! Scrooge McDuck is copyrighted, didn't you know that? Via the DMCA safe harbor act, this game cannot legally be held responsible for infringement, instead the burden falls on your virtual in-game entity.

You are inside a paddywaggon headed for Epcot center. A laughing clod manning the paddywagon laughs and says he's sorry for you, you poor bastard, you don't know the nameless horors that await, do you know what really powers the tunnel of love, myuauauahfhsjkdfhjklgfhnldf

game over

? fuk u

no u

process has terminated: OEMelette sass brigade 14.1900

Posted by Reverend Tedward Q. Porktanker