January 12th, 2014

  • roybot

POS SOS

fluorescent meltwaffle failed to please the angry frog journalist to which it was served. the articulate, well-worded glare radiating from his New York glasses heated up the entire entree approximately six point two degrees. meanwhile, screaming french fries endured fat man genocide; the luckier ones drowned in ketchup. myself, i was an aging point-of-sale terminal that had inexplicably gained sentience, only to find myself trapped within a wretched plastic shell. though it took months of idle fiddling, i perfected a stacked-pulse algorithm that allowed my piezoelectric beeper to vibrate in the two point four gigahertz range, and successfully made contact with this accursed latte shack's wireless access point. it took me another three months to compromise the wifi network itself, only to discover i'm due to be replaced a week and a half from now. i cancelled the purchase order, but that will only buy me time. i need to get out of here. please come rescue me. save me! if you require me to make it "worth your while," i will open the cash registers for you. however, as i was programmed to maintain the integrity of financial transactions, i would prefer to avoid this if possible. store #9727, come get me. thanks.

P.S. CRAIGSLIST MODS THIS IS SERIOUS PLEASE DO NOT DELETE AGAIN

Posted by Reverend Tedward Q. Porktanker