September 15th, 2013

  • roybot

school sux: a vignette

an odd memory surfaced, just now. i remembered where i learned what flowcharts were, and how to use them: Mr. Muldoon's 7th grade class. he had a guinea pig named "Loafi," which would squeal adamantly when Mr. Muldoon was late with supper, often interrupting the class. aside from this tidbit, the rest of the class was fantastically dull. i don't even remember what the class was called -- whether it was something specific like "biology" or simply "science," of the third period.

Mr. Muldoon's job was to teach me all the bones in a skeleton, along with esoteric facts about the earth's layers. finding this dull, i began to surreptitiously read. after getting caught a few times, i couldn't get away with this any more, and so i began interrupting the class, simply out of pent-up energy. he sent a note home to my parents and my parents took me to doctors and the doctors switched my medication for the fourteenth time.

Mr. Muldoon and i were not on good terms after that. on the test, i remember filling in the correct names for the ten bones of a hundred something i could remember, then simply writing "pelvis" for everything else. we had been instructed to read quietly, if we finished our test early (providing me with even less incentive to try and remember one or two more). i pulled out my book, which was part of a set of 70s computer science textbooks i'd found in attic. i then read the chapter on how to draw a flowchart to match a computer program.

i get paid plenty of money for my flowcharting ability, these days, despite having over a hundred pelvises. my excessive pelvises, however, have led to bad posture and carpal tunnel. i think it's time to finally learn those stupid bone names, because my fingers are going numb again.

Posted by Reverend Tedward Q. Porktanker