December 11th, 2012

  • roybot

reverend action

As I landed on the pavement with a carafe, I spotted my ticket out of this compound: A mint, VX 690 WYVERN. Black finish, pleather trim, 1690ppq tube amplifier, and the longbow dexterity option package. The keys were even in it. "I hope this sucka has good insurance," I thought as I rolled a leg over and turned ignition decrypter. The jukebox scrambled to life with a tally-ho, and we were off. Scored the lizer to the beat of JamLite 92.15. Bullets began to whiz all around me. I tried to reach out and catch a couple of them, but they were too fast for me.

I was approaching the gate of the fortified compound, but it appeared closed. Now seemed as good a time as any to try the small garage door opener carefully velcroed onto the fuel cell.

The first switch was not particularly helpful. It enabled all the lights around the gate, probably jolting the sleeping guards awake.

The second button seemed to trigger some sort of detonation behind me. While amusing, this still did not open the gate.

Thankfully, the third one -- the big one -- opened it right up. Suppose I should have tried that one first.

I popped a wheelie as I blasted past the last guard post, balancing on the WYVERN's six hind wheels. The auto-gyro kicked in like a champ. Note to self: send Dean Kamen a fruit basket....

A rumbling astern snapped me out of my internal universe of secretarial items. I should have known they'd not be content to let me steal some chap's VX 690, detonate some shit, and leave without turning off the floodlights... all the while having been there to (successfully) copy off Larry Page's porn stash. The thumbnails were... intriguing.

Posted by Reverend Tedward Q. Porktanker