December 5th, 2012

  • roybot

base medium

"equestrian horsepuffs!" i fumed. "cantankerous bronies! thou art the steve of my metaphor." i slank backwards, my sword askimber.

the hosebeast replied: "if this is a medical emergency, press zero. if you need help with medication, press one. if you are calling about a referral, helium, or magnates, press five. if you callin' 'bout gen-o-ral in-fo-mation, press four. otherwise, please press zero."

"treacherous wench!" i bellowed. "i did not fight in the battle of blackberry to be subjected to such prehistoric decision trees!"

i slammed the receiver down, having none of it. this was clearly more than a mere robo-call attempting to confirm a physical i didn't recall scheduling: no, this was a dr. who episode waiting to happen. i ain't becoming no robot phone. you won't take me alive

"YOUR CALL HAS BEEN FORWARDED TO AN AUTOMATED VOICE MESSAGING SYSTEM"

holy shit, wat, the bastard phone has taken on a life of its own

"AT THE SOUND OF THE-BEEFP[depfclatter"

it didn't even have time to sing daisy before i tore it from its PSTN, RJ-45 moorings.

"forward this, sucka!" i yelled, michael jordaning it into the laundry hamper. jesus saves, jordan scores on the rebound, yeahhhh

and that's why i use skype, but i dunno for how much longer as microsoft has started sticking their penis into the cake mix.

Posted by Reverend Tedward Q. Porktanker