October 8th, 2012

  • roybot


RICED OUT MARKETING is thrilled to present these helpful tips to make your stay in a Riced Out Industries (tm) YUG-2091 Space Colony Ship more pleasant.

  • Feeling alone? You should! The ship has no captain, crew, or staff. Instead, it has been equipped with a sentient computer tied into twitter. Policies are decided via hashtag popularity. Don't forget to vote!
  • Each domicile is equipped with a personal food synthesis station, which lovingly reassembles molecules you've passed sixteen times before into tasty treats, 24/7!
  • If, for some reason, you wish to escape the cold, loneliness of space via huddling together like a pack of scared field mice, there is a gleaming, anti-microbial cafeteria (also open 24/7).
  • If the space toilet backs up, the only possible reason is that the gravity generator is malfunctioning. At that point, though it'll soon to be the least of your worries, you'd be better off not being near the toilets.
  • On deck #516, Pink Floyd's "Dark Side Of The Moon" plays on loop, forever. Contrary to media reports, this is not a design flaw.
  • In the event of an emergency, please make sure your warranty is still valid before calling tech support. Otherwise, tech support is under no obligation to read you scripted replies.