February 19th, 2012

  • roybot


the internet grew out of DERPANET, a top-secret military project intended to build a system capable of turning absolutely anything into a game of telephone, even after withstanding a full-scale nuclear attack. eventually, pirates found a loophole in this system, and used the internet to transmit illegal episodes of "the jersey shore" with minimal error. indeed, only the commercials seemed to go missing, with the rest of the signal only weathering some lossy encoding. this greatly angered the socio-military-industrial complex that had birthed DERPANET/the internet, and so it passed a bunch of laws intended to put a stop to this monkey business. the internet responded in typical form, passing the laws around and adding trollface on top until fbi.gov concluded it was being DDoS'd. fbi.gov responded by arresting the largest, slowest, most obvious internet user they could find, kim dotcom. the internet responded in typical form, by passing around youtube videos of kim dotcom driving a mercedes benz on a golf course until microbing.com concluded it was being DDoS'd. microbing.com responded by "tying" all their products together, clenching tighter than the pope's arsehole (capable of turning carbon into diamonds after being penetrated at the age of 12 by adolf hitler). the internet responded in typical form, installing ubuntu until microbing.com went away. the socio-military-industrial complex said "FFFFFFFFFFFUuuuuuuuuuuu" and the internet responded in typical form, by replying to the email with goatse. the end

Posted by Reverend Tedward Q. Porktanker