May 3rd, 2010

  • roybot

BUSINESS NEWS

a summary of the market news for next thursday:
  • Swiss Francs up 10%; bankers give 10-3 odds that Swiss Francs will beat Euro. Swiss Francs is jockeyed by Leonard Nimoy; Euro is piloted by Satan.
  • Warren Buffet recommends not investing in BP.
  • Mario's Mushrooms down 40% after public outcry regarding "psychological side-effects." The FCC is expected to allocate them more spectrum.
  • Richard D. James net worth surpasses €20mln after venue pays him €1.2mln to abuse rabid fans
  • Cherry Blossom IPO called a "once in a year" opportunity
  • Apple down 12% on rumors that Apple products may cause herpes
  • Distal Porkery denies involvement in The Ham Incident; shares still take a dive.
  • Industry expert suggests investors double down on poop futures to make some money.
  • Top investment mind recommends raising mallard ducks for quack profit.
  • Facepalm and groan futures skyrocket.


now, sports.

Posted by Reverend Tedward Q. Porktanker