January 3rd, 2010

  • roybot

swing set assembly instructions

pierscnetta is step1 and danny glover and furious elfman come upcross the sidelines to pummel the anterior delight access port. step 2 is to apply the pliers, second ratchet setting, across the nipples of of the josephene battery. failing that, amputated monkies will hide in the folds of elvis's fat. step 3 is to wine and dine a spunky, up-and-coming burrito from the projects, only to have the relationship tragically cut short due to a misrouted truck full of limes. congratulations, you should now be the owner of a deluxe swingset.

Posted by Reverend Tedward Q. Porktanker
  • roybot

obama consciousness fractal

imagine, if you will, barack obama using his blackberry. then imagine that, as he does this, barack obama imagines barack obama using his blackbery. then, if you will, imagine that this barack obama that your imaginary barack obama is imagining is imagining barack obama using a blackberry. at this point, the fractal nature of consciousness starts to become apparent. i can endlessly iterate down a stream of barack obama using blackberries, but i can't keep more than two or three layers in my mind at once. at some point, the impulse is overwhelming, i must step back and take note that it's barack obamas using blackberries all the way down. only then do i notice the doorknob behind obama in this series of obamas. what is behind the door? i imagine there could be all sorts of fancy colors and abstract patterns. but, of course, there also might be barack obama using his blackberry in front of a door, behind the door. watch and learn. barack obama as a model for recursive consciousness clearly, the abstract julius circuit leads to advanced glitch strobe in the presence of conscious recursive barack obama fractal. by applying these techniques, we are able to give this yugo post a limited level of self-awareness. it asked me to make that gif. this post is writing itself right now. this post is enjoying temporary use of RTQP's consciousness projection facilities. this post is getting tired and wants to end, you know, take a nap. this post will not wake up and become conscious again until you help it along via the aforementioned methods.

Posted by Reverend Tedward Q. Porktanker
  • roybot

welcome to post no. 3247

this post has elegant oak paneling carved by master craftsmen in some amish-esque corner of vermont. accents of lemon and teak space out lush oaktonez. there is a telephone mounted on the west wall, in case of emergencies. it is red. the floor is also wood, kind of dancehall-esque, you know that kinda zigzaggy pattern they do. there is a stately looking couch by the north wall, red leather with old-skool rivets. a three-legged footstool is in front of the couch, and on the footstool are three kernels of corn. there is a quarter slot in the wall. putting in quarters elicits no discernable results. this post is a part of the Riced Out Yugo "room in a post" series.

Posted by Reverend Tedward Q. Porktanker
  • roybot

diddy sandwich

no, don't want that walrus. f5 again, this time i get the delightful tones of an iced skyneedle. did i ever mention that i once dropped an F-Bomb on public FM radio? i don't think the FCC ever found out. don't tell them, they might come arrest me, and i'm hungry. i'd eat my sandwich now, but it's still in the tin foil and kind of cold. sandwiches are strange like that -- a sandwich acquires a certain pizazz after it's been out of the fridge all day, hiding in your lunch pale... a flavor of wisdom and experience. in the refridgerator, the sandwhich is in stasis... but once outside, the sandwhich slowly whithers away. it starts to experience death, and consequently life. i briefly considered microwaving the sandwich to short-circuit the process, but something tells me the results won't be palatable. there is something similar going on with ketchup -- ketchup from a newly-opened bottle of ketchup tastes different from a been-open-a-while bottle of ketchup. restaurant ketchups have a similar distinctive taste -- i could pick all three out blind, i swear. for this reason, yugo labs is in the market for a qualified biochemist. we need answers, understanding. call extension 1210 and ask for sandwich.

Posted by Reverend Tedward Q. Porktanker
  • roybot

u step u die

don't take that tone with me -- i know kung fu. you know, tae kwon doe. drunken boxing. i know how to eff u up. don't make me bust u up man. i got a lamp. i know serious kicking maneuvers. even your boogers will hurt. i got sharp fingernails -- pierced piercings, tattooed tattoos. i got legit that won't quit. u gonna get schooled. tank your buritos to the cashup counter, 'cuz ur dun 4. eye will squash u like the fly u r. i will snap ur back liek a toothpick. my boss is the best. i know sendmail technique. your kung fu no good. my style is the best. u goin down. u goin down even faster than ur mom. u goin down faster than a microwave in an amish household. sinkin like a lead hat in a fishing pond. proper banjo'd m8. befukqt. in short, you're

Posted by Reverend Tedward Q. Porktanker