December 3rd, 2009

  • roybot

a vast infitude of pleather rhombi

"Where is the love in here?" I demanded. The machines, manufacturing pleather rhombi, were unresponsive. They simply continued churning out pleather rhombi, dumping them into piles. When the piles got too large, robots would scurry in and carry them off to an even bigger pile of pleather rhombi. A vast infitude of pleather rhombi. Whatever were they for? Who made this place? There was nothing around to explain any of it -- not a document, not a terminal; in fact, there weren't even any "CAUTION, DON'T STICK YOUR HAND IN HERE" signs. You know, the ones you usually see around large machines. In my six hours exploring the mysterious factory, I had not encountered a single human being. In fact, I hadn't seen a human face in a few days, as the factory was in the middle of Alaska. I wasn't even sure how the factory was powered. Room after room of dark, mysterious machines grinding out pleather rhombi. Suddenly, I felt a prick in the back of my neck. Everything started to dim... "You are with the pleather rhombi now," a voice says to me. fuck

Posted by Reverend Tedward Q. Porktanker
  • roybot

User Manual: Introduction

Thank you for your purchase of a HeebieWizzle 9000. Vastly superior in processing power and style to the previous generation (HeebieWizzle 900), the HeebieWizzle 9000 features 24-bit plaid processing, advanced effects algorithms, in-box cataract surgery, and dedicated watsichusett -- all in a low-emissions 2U pacakge. Tweakers rejoice to see no less than 2^6 knobs dedicated to glee modulation. Built-in vaporizer on front panel, allowing new substances to be sampled into memory for later resynthesis and demangling. Lou will occasionaly come around with his clipboard and make sure things are within spec. Some other highlights include:
  • Direct, Dynamic USB over ethernet
  • Quad Fing Matrix
  • Captain of the Skipper on EL CANAL
  • De-Esser and De-Foetus Mellonizer for each channel
  • Emergency tweezers conveniently built into a notch on the front panel
  • Did we mention Lou?

No expense has been spared, and Riced Out Gear stands behind all its shit tenfold. Dizz bitch got teh warranteeez mang. See appendicitus 4 dat.

thx 4 $$$ njoys!!!

Posted by Reverend Tedward Q. Porktanker
  • roybot


DNSCraft Mac 'n' cheez cloggin up the tubes with ARTIFICIAL CHEDDERZ, illicit documentz n teh shredderz. Such is how it is at the offices of Google, what with the nerds scurrying about in a giant matrix of human-sized hamster tubes. i imagine some of them carry brightly colored spheres - Google's core source of energy -- to the reactor. Google's ion engines allow it speeds in excess of 2.4e-10mv.

Anyways, I was without a calorimiter at this crucial junxture of my experiment. My ponderings about Google's DNSCraft aside, I had to go hit up Tsutonamu Shimomura for a calorimiter. I would need electric roller blades to catch him. The electric roller blades I could only acquire from kitty... and, off we go again.

Posted by Reverend Tedward Q. Porktanker