October 28th, 2008

  • roybot


there are a lot of things i don't understand, and here is one in particular: why are stock market crashes always called "black monday" or something like that? it should really be called RED MONDAY, because when you're in debt you're in the red, not in the black. perhaps RED was too close to COMMUNISM. that is, it would be like calling one of the recent market tumbles "jihad tuesday." i dunno. in fact, i don't know who makes any of these terms up. i want to know. i want to write letters, and register my opinion because whoever it is, needs to really rethink their thinking on the following linguistic nuggets:
  • french fries they are not french. perhaps, however, they are frenched, "to french" being a verb regarding something done to uncooked potatos. however, i've never been able to successfully order unfrenched fries, so i strongly suspect that it's just nonsense.
  • value-added translation: value-removed-from-your-pocket.
  • enola gay omg lol gay.
  • hamburger not made of ham. i don't think it's from hamburg, and i don't think frankfooters are made in germany. however, beer is.
  • milkshake actually mixed ice cream and milk, as opposed to merely shaken milk. i'll let this one off easy, however, as it DOES involve milk, and the structure of the word allowed kelis to bestow lyrical pwn upon all teh hataz.
  • S.A.R.S. acronyms should stay in the tech industry, you dig? all sorts of trouble starts when doctors and politicians start using acronyns (P.A.T.R.I.O.T.?!). in any case, i imagine the S.A.R.S. to be a secret, military, orbiting space-laser of death. of course, it gets hijacked by communists terrorists, and only james bond can recover the keys to the S.A.R.S. (Super Annihiliating Retroactive Spacelaser)
  • HUMMER, HUM-V what the troops do on shore leave is their own goddamn business.
  • Esquire This word is too cool to waste on lawyers. I firmly believe that, to sign "Esquire" after your name, you must slay a dragon.
  • Digital Rights Management let's just cut the bullshit and call it what it is: "Pain In The Ass"
  • Joe The Plumber I'm never going to be able to look a plumber in the eye again. It must be an embarassing profession to be in, at the moment -- and if your name is Joe, well, I'd probably fucking jump ship and become a carpenter.

Posted by Reverend Tedward Q. Porktanker