August 18th, 2008

  • roybot


the universe works in strange ways
set me up with things that can't work
or can they
fuck you universe you fucking cunt
ice cube says "stand tall live your life to the limit"... should i listen to the rapper or to society's expectations
he says "don't let this motherfuckin system devour you.. i won't pretend or act like i'm knowin you, but check it out, i understand what you're goin through"
now he's talking about the man with laser vision in the vatican
things were so simple when i was 3 years old it was pretty tight
home is where the hatred is
home is where i live inside my white pile of dreams
it might not be such a bad idea if i never went home again
stand as far away from me as you can and ask me why

  • roybot

Riced Out Cellar Door

Riced Out Cellar Door
A conversation in the style of Jane Austin

Dr. Arturius Qewpie steps into the office of Lord Argyle the 9000th.

"Excuse me sir, were you blowing your nose or sharpening a pencil, from down the hallway the distinction was indistinct."

"No sir, I was not."

"What were, then?"

"I know nothing of the sort and I'm far too busy for this particular line of questioning. I suggest you turn your cape and vacate my office immediately unless you have pertinent business worth conducting."

"My cape is incapable of vacillation, hence my assumptions upon visitation. I can conduct orchestras, but not businesses. There are far too many egos involved."

"Shall I summon security? Must we maintain this facade any longer? My patience with you is growing quite thin, Mr. what's-his-face, if that is your real name."

"That's DOCTOR what's-his-phace, thank you, how dare you spell it with an F. by the looks of you, you can't be more than level 12, and you have to be level 27 to summon security guards of high enough level to cave my skull in."

"Bullocks! Can't you see that I'm distraught after a amphibious dingo ate my baby in the seas of Narnia and that I'm just trying to commit myself to simple tasks? I beg of thee to express your intentions before like a twitching vessel at the bottom of the ocean I shall become a nervous wreck!"

"If you're having trouble COMMITing, as a doctor, I would suggest you check your SQL syntax. In any case, I am collecting statistics on sonic decoding, in the name of conducting an investigation, on authority of grand dutchess skeet ulrich, to determine the feasability of determining what is going on, from the sounds which eminate from those goings-on."

"I see! Why did thoust nayeth mention the dutchess in the first place? We could have avoided this rigmarole alltogether. Is there anything I can do to further your completion efforts? Perhaps wipe down your cape or provide a teaspoon of refined beet sugar?"

"I require only putty. Lots of putty."

"I have no putty and I'm perturbed by your pervish desires of the forbidden material deemed recreational by the provincial government of the Isle of Man! The dutchess would never employ someone who works with putty. This I know for a fact!"

"Don't knock it till you've tried it, as he who denies it, supplies it... Though the Dutches Queen would be mighty mean, if you were to report it... let's just keep this our little secret, here, let us snort it."

Posted by Reverend Tedward Q. Porktanker
  • roybot


happy birfday richy analords deluxed pui pin 3400 and a bottle of scones on toast. may all ur elastic kiessster vordhosgboom shedonky. konghoner sLAP SLAP SLAP SLAP goes the splare frum. FLANnnnnge. hangabbllbe autochunky. preset, preset, maciuntosh? sony vaio toot toot goes the JL COOPER CS-32 lol. what u doin richard, mixin' solitarez? nooo!?? dub trax anonmymous? spin spin, shove fader, puitchbend recycle reverse the aural whammy. push push youjr cs-32, xtend dub trax reverb fx BEEP BEEP, fsdlkfsjldkAFTERPOSTY!! 2begin. im going down two (3030 fart) lalal. i hope to see you soon in (3030 fart, 808), lalala. something 'bout those little pills, unrill, the thrills, the ills, the chills, they kill a million braincellssszzzrrrrEARrraaa! zzzrt!! raaa!@! rraaa~!! zzrtbASS. lala. RAAAArrrt. butubutubutu ubutuutu butuubuut ubuub CLANK HERE COMES TEH COWBELL djkdldjlkkfjj fjjsslkls    fjlsdkfk sklfl sklf Zhrhha BORR# YEAHGH!@ YEAHAHH !@ YHEHRFAH YHSHEYS EHYehht 23 BO oarRRRAAAAghghghghshglfdkjlkvb kjporgvkposkvpodsfkoopkosconesonesonesonsssssssjkdfljksd f burzoto 3- 3rahahahahaha 3930939393 fcmmcmc AHHWAW AHHAW AHWHAW KDL... raise da house, creak creak. zjwj42 cut back 2 essentialz. sliiiide. raaa34u9uwoi boris. lbg0-w- pickto puing. pickto ping. richto ping. wat wat wat wat wat wat w flANNTEGEwat wat breaks wat funk wat bass wat cut wat relapse wat flange wat voice wat style wat choice pluck breakdown zzZRRRT. plung along. dunt dunt dunt dunt. a~~~ million brain cells. buzzing bee vocal distort, computer sound gobble. rtor3oo. x993 dun dun dun Dat dut. duntachunta duntacha BEEEP! sdjk duynttttt BEEEP! sljdjfkl g,d..fd,.g...g sdf..fd.... . ..   .

Posted by Reverend Tedward Q. Porktanker