February 18th, 2008

  • roybot

A TOOT TOOT AND A SIP OF TEA

A TOOT TOOT AND A SIP OF TEA
A framework play with helpful literary analysis by the Reverend Tedward Q. Porktanker - write about it for English class, kids!!




ACT I



[curtains open]

Miss Sporty: HULLO CHAPS, SO GOOD OF YOU TO COME OVER FOR TEA.

Old Bean: SO KIND OF YOU FOR INVITING US

Old Sprout: YES, AND SUCH LOVELY CURTAINS YOU HAVE

Miss Sporty: WON'T YOU PLEASE SIT DOWN?

[party sits, stays... good party!]



ACT II



Old Bean: THIS TEA IS QUITE LOVELY THANK YOU AGAIN FOR INVITING US

Old Sprout: YES AND I STILL CANNOT GET OVER THOSE CURTIANS [hammartia alert!!]

Miss Sporty: YOU HAVE A GOOD EYE SIR MY GREAT UNCLE FREDWARD LEFT THEM TO ME THEY HAVE MAGICKAL POWERS SUPPOSEDLY THEY ONCE ADORNED THE MUD HUT OF JESUS HIMSELF



ACT III



Miss Sporty: WILL YOU EXCUSE ME GENTLEMEN ALL THAT INSUFFILATION HAS GIVEN ME NASAL LIQUIDITY ISSUES I MUST HAVE A TOOT TOOT

[Miss Sporty exit stage right. Old Bean has a sip of tea.]

Old Bean: I THINK I MUST ALSO GO FOR A TOOT TOOT EXCUSE ME OLD SPROUT.

[Old sprout looks around to make sure they are gone.]

Old Sprout: MUAHAHA, THE CURTAINS SHALL BE MINE [climax alert!!]

[Old Sprout steals the curtains and exits stage left. Miss Sporty and Old Bean return.]

Miss Sporty: WTF D00D MY CURTAINS

Old Bean: =|:{OOOOOO !!



ACT IV



Old Bean: RETURN THOSE CURTAINS AT ONCE YOU DASTARD!!

Old Sprout: NEVER!! YOU WILL HAVE TO FORCIBLY REMOVE THEM FROM MY POSESSION

[Old Bean tries to forcibly remove the curtains from the posession of Old Sprout. The curtains rip into many pieces.]

Old Bean: WOE!!

[Miss Sporty enter stage right]

Miss Sporty: NOOOO, MY CURTAINS!!! ;_;

Old Sprout: WHAT HATH MY GREED WROUGHT!!

[Old Sprout pulls a gun out of his waistcoat and holds it to his head.]

Old Sprout: i told u i was hardcore

[Old Sprout shoots himself. Curtains close.]




Author's note: To those of you offended by this mockery of a major form of literature, I would like to say that I'm not doing anything Shakespeare wouldn't have done, if he'd had blink tags and emoticons.

Posted by Reverend Tedward Q. Porktanker
  • roybot

this post saved juho from a lot more rambling

type type type. i can type all day. WHEE, WHOO, HOLLA, &c. &c. you are hereby instructed to raise [it to] the roof. juho wants me to talk about lions. what email? lions do not use email. lions roar. lions hamstring the majestic zebra. hamstring is not a majestic verb, but is quite possibly an anatomical noun. this is a dirigible, demonstrative pronoun. codex im influx. type type type, dirigible proverb. HELLO SIR, I AM INFORMATION. WOULD YOU LIKE TO MANIPULATE MY BITS? terrestrial transmogrification. dave smith poly devalver, for when your sound is just a little too trendy. wat, wat, wat do you mean wat? wat is wat is wat is wat is wat is why is how when where is the then few mew boop whee klam za'am thank you ma'am. hello i am a sentence. NO WAIT I AM. hey, i am too, and i have the magick of commas at my disposal. here we go again, starting another sentence. why can i not stick with just one sentence? curse you phygian laws of grammar, i fart at your initial half-step. adam ant a7 verse, b7 chrous, flange finale, digital performer. RUN THAT TAPE BACK SOLO!!

Posted by Reverend Tedward Q. Porktanker