January 2nd, 2008

  • roybot

another chapter in the epic saga of bullshit

I often forget that one of my largest failings is giving other people too much credit - too much faith that they are as clever, creative, and, let's face it - obsessive, as myself.

I had spent an hour searching for the dilithium fluid samples, carefully sorting through boxes layered three levels deep in the attic, my obsessive attention to detail compelling me to replace everything precisely as it appeared before my excavatory efforts, even though in all likelihood, no one would notice a damn thing. My vigor notwithstanding, I found nothing. My temperment is such that this did not dampen my enthusiasm. No, it redoubled it. When I meet with failure, I generally feel completely unable to leave it at that, to let it go, get the better of me... to let it win. This continues until I either triumph - my frustration thenceforth being converted into elation - or until my psyche collapses under the pressure, causing me to throw a tantrum like a three year old that needs a nap.

The attics, closets, and appropriately-sized cabinets having been torn apart and then re-assembled with the precision of a obsessive-compulsive paleontologist, I began trying more esoteric locations. I looked inside decorative storage units that appeared to have not been opened for years, carefully removing the knicknacks and oddiments on top of them, creating a precise image of their original formation on the floor nearby so I could accurately recreate it after plundering its interior... which, invariably, was empty.

My frustration reaching a terminal level, I strugged to keep a grip as I carefully reassembled the knicknack tableau on top of the last decorative storage unit in the domicile. As I replaced a lamp, however, I saw it - the dilithium fluid samples, casually placed on the far side of the couch, as if they were wine bottles placed strategicly for a surreptitious alcoholic to take a quick nip while sitting there. They were out of sight from 90% of the room, but painfully obvious when one stood where I was standing.

It was such a piss-poor place to hide the dilithium fluid samples, that I had not even bothered to look there. I had presumed they would have chosen a thoughtful hiding place, one requiring some effort to reach... but no, once again, I had given the other party far too much credit.

I realized there were probably more samples hidden, and likely hidden in an equally piss-poor manner. My hunch proved correct, as I found another two samples hidden behind an umbrella repository. I knew there were more samples still, but I had enough for the task at hand... and the tides of my fury had receeded, gently washing back as elation.

Posted by Reverend Tedward Q. Porktanker