December 5th, 2007

  • roybot

we are the fap generation

we are the fap generation. or generation fap, viewer's choice. we live in world of more porn than we actually want, and have developed a bizarre lingo with which to navigate it. scientists once thought it impossible to have too much porn, but they had not seen goatse, or had precious childhood memories ruined forever via a moment of foolish curiosity. over and over we risk opening pandora's box, when it is not for sale on ebay (because mr. pandora's cock wouldn't fit in it).

we are the fap generation, the bulletin bored. we live in the blogosphere, the forum universe, our islands connected by syndicated black magic. quantum uncertainly reigns supreme - does the internet exist? yes, no, maybe, NO U, STFU n00b - all these are viable, if not arguably correct answers.

memes are the order of the day, and the viral-thought engineers are our new overlords. the fap generation knows serious business when it sees it. all your base are belong to the fap generation. peanut-butter fapping time. ring ring ring banana fap. ninjas vs. pirates vs. fap. leeroy jenkfap. i can has fap generation. fap generation going to teh moon, brb. the fap generation is watching you masturbate. everytime you masturbate, the fap generation kills another childhood memory.

many try to harness the attention and energy of the fap generation - presidential candidates revive decade-old chuck norris email memes, hed-on is applied directly to the cerebellum, and superbad is superyoutubed.

but they fail. though some are duped, most see through these paltry efforts. the would-be harnessers fail to grasp the cornerstone of the fap generation:

we're just here for the porn. show us your tits.

Posted by Reverend Tedward Q. Porktanker
  • roybot

a touching anecdote

this article reminds me of a touching anecdote.

just after columbine happened, i was in front of my math class, writing up my answer to a homework problem on the board. though i was an oft-controversial lad, i was a studious one as well. when the teacher stepped out into the hallway to yell at some other children, i decided to have some fun. i started reworking the word problem in the spirit of the times - "if there are 30 students in a class, and seven are shot..." tasteless, yes, but i refuse to take anything seriously. it's bad juju.

anyways, a fellow named john, who was absolutely dedicated to becoming a cop as soon as he had his high-school diploma in his conservative mitts, became very irate, and began bitching me out. given that he had six inches and 30 lbs on me, i tactfully apologizied.

this was the moment i learned that cops have no sense of humor.

Posted by Reverend Tedward Q. Porktanker
  • roybot

THIS RICED OUT YUGO POST IS NAMED MUHAMMED

one day, some moustacios got muhammered and named a post muhammed. lol.

seriously, i can't believe this is one of the top news stories. NEWSFLASH: THERE IS INTOLERANCE IN THE WORLD!! :O :O :O

i also encourage savvy news-viewers to note that the "barbaric towelheads sentence teacher to 40 lashes and 15 days gang-rape for puttin' down their homey muhammed" story is invariably run before or after a segment involving iran and nukes.

Posted by Reverend Tedward Q. Porktanker