March 6th, 2007

  • roybot


RegionalStereotype: bork bork sumeune-a is foockeeng veet zee system
headgear 1984: i say, plusunnew bean, have you seen mein hat?
RegionalStereotype: he be that nutty evangelist who were bein' caught with meth and gettin' a "massage" from some gay kid

Posted by Mr. The Plague (mastar of teh gibson)
  • roybot

Always remember kids, membrane switches make you feel like jesus

i am comforted in knowing that i, an american, have something at home.

it is my microwave.

yes, i thank Our Lord Jesus Almighty Rockin' Bling Yo Christ that i have this fabulous appliance stylin' on my linoleum.

when the terrible traffic jams leave me feeling filled with rage at my utter powerlessness in the face of the world, i calm down as i see my microwave.

into it i place my dinner for the evening - any selection from a library of convenient 1lb serving sizes or the alternate library old chinese food. i enter the appropriate hyperspace coordinates into the microwaveulator's computer. the buttons, membrane switches, respond instantly, calming me down as a beep results from my ever-so-slight touch. i pause briefly.

then i brush the start button, barely touching it. 1500 Watts of pure culinary might springs into action at my vague semblance of a touch, spotlights illuminating my work.

i feel like jesus fuckin' christ. jesus almighty fuckin christ.

god bless america.

Posted by Reverend Tedward Q. Porktanker