I have neither the time nor the desire, to relate in detail
all of the adventures that have befallen me. The universes
that I have passed into. The things that I have seen and
experienced and learned on all of the worlds since I left
the planet that I'd called home. Ever smaller cycles, infinite
universes, neverending. Each presenting something new.
Some queer variataion of life or intelligence.
Life, Intellegence. Terms I once associated with things
animate, things protoplasmic and understandable.
I find it hard to apply them to all of the divergencies
of shape and form and construction that I have encountered.
Worlds, young, warm, volcanic and steaming. The single cell
emerging from the slime of warm oceans, to propagate on
primordial continents. other worlds innumerable. life
divergent in all branches, from the single
cell,amorphous globules, amphibian, crustecean, reptilian,
plant, insect, bird, mammal. All possible variataions
and combinations. Biological monstrosities indescribable!
Other forms beyond any attempt of classification. Beyond
all reason or comprehension of my puny mind. Essences of
pure flame. Others, gasuous, incandecent and quiscent
alike. Plant forms encompassing an entire globe. Crystalline
beings, sentient and reasoning. Green shimmering columnar
forms, seemingly liquid, defying gravity by some strange
power of cohesion. A world of sound vibrations, throbbing,
expanding, reverbrating in unbrokrn echoes that nearly
drove me crazy. Globular brainlike masses, utterlydisassociated
from any material substance. Imterdimentional
beings, all shapes and shapeless. Entities utterly incapible
of registratin on any of my sences except the sixth,
that of instinct. Suns dying. Planets cold, and dark,
and airless. Last vestiges of once proud races, struggling
for a few more meager years of sustenence. Great cavities,
beds of evaporating seas. Small furry animals, scurring to
cover at my approach. Desolation. Ruins, crumbling surely
into the sands of barren deserts. The last mute evidence
of vanished civilizations. Other worlds aflourish with
life, blessed with light and heat. Staggering cities,
vast populations, ships pawing the surface of oceans, and
others, in the air, huge observatories, tremendous strides
in the sciences, spaceflight, battles for the suprmecy
of worlds, blasting rays of superdestruction, collision of
planets, disruption of solar systems, cosmic anniliation.
Light, space, a univerce with a tenious, filmy, something
around it, which I burst through, all around me, not the
customary blackness of outer space I had known, but light
filled with the tiny dots that were globes of darkness,
that were burnt out suns, and lifeless planets. Nowhere
a shimmering planet, mowhere a flaming sun, only remote
specks of black amid the high saturated emptiness. How many
of the infinitly smaller atomic cycles I have passed into?
I do not know. I tried to keep count of them at first,
but somewhwere between twenty and thirty, I gave it up,
and that was long ago. Each time i would think, this cannot
go on forever, it cannot, surely this next time I must reach
the end, but I have not reached the end. Good God, how can
there be an end. Worlds composed of atoms, each atom
similarly composed. The end would have to be anindestructable
solid that cannot be, all matter divisible
into smaller matter.
What keeps me from going insane?
I want to go insane.
I am tired. A strange tiredness neither of mind nor body.
Death would be a welcome releif from this endless fate
that is mine. but even death has denyed me. I have sought
it, I have prayed for it, and begged for it, but it is not to be.
Posted by wolf530 (analog hacker extraordinaire)