December 6th, 2006

  • roybot

Aqua Teen Yugo Force, epsode I

It started during a moment that seemed innocent enough. I was in the basement of Zed's Records, leafing through the bargain 12" section, in an attempt to locate some down-home tuba-funk. I did not get the chance to finish my task, however.

I was about three-quarters of the way through the batch, when a loud noise shattered my caffeine-driven focus. No, wait, that wasn't loud, it was REALLY fucking loud. The sound actually came from upstairs, I soon realized, and I rushed up to see what was a-shakin'. Just as I turned the corner at the top of the stairs, I heard a thundering voice:

"MUAHhhahahaaaaAACK *coughcough* MEOW!! muahaha.."

It was none other than my old associate, kitty. However, he did not look to be here for friendly, record-browsing purposes. No, one does not crash through the brick wall of a used record store in a 15-foot tall robotized combat suit in order to find great deals on old Phish records. kitty was here for a different reason.

Our separation had not been amicable. I had wanted to set the goldfish free, but kitty would not hear of it, and instead brutally murdered every one of the poor little creatures (and made them into sandwiches). We had not spoken since.

"Stop, dastard!!" I proclaimed, whipping out my heavily modified Pez dispenser.

":o :o" kitty proclaimed. "purrr, porktanker, my old associate!! do not interfere with my plans!!"

And with that, he activated the suit's jetpack, taking off through the roof. I fired an entire clip of Pez after him, but it was of no use. He had slipped through my fingers.

I then turned my attention to the surrounding area, eager to suss out what he had come here for. I didn't have to search long, as ol' Zed ran up to me in tears.

"Reverend, reverend!" he sobbed. "He stole it!! The first Aqua record ever pressed!"

So that was it. kitty had been after a valuable piece of Aqua memorabilia.

"Don't worry," I assured Zed, patting him gently on the shoulder. "We'll get it back. I know where he lives."

TO BE CONTINUED IN EPISODE II

Posted by Reverend Tedward Q. Porktanker