July 14th, 2006

  • roybot

tales of woe

I was cruising down 17th St. at a comfortable 88 miles per hour when I saw it. My jaw dropped as I brought the stolen Yugo to a screeching halt. I hopped out and stood in the middle of the street, basking in the warm glow of the sign.



Purveyor of fine cheeses since 1982

I reached into the car and retrieved a small parcel from beneath the seat. Ignoring the protests of other motorists, I left the Yugo where it was and headed inside.

The laundromat was deserted, so I decided to entertain myself by placing pieces of cheese into a dryer. As soon as I fired up the machine, I heard what could only be Ed's voice asking "Can I help you?" I walked over to where Ed was waiting, dropped my parcel on the counter, and said "I need to get this notarized right away."

Ed unwrapped the waffle carefully with a curious look on his face. After holding it up to the light, he glanced at me nervously.

"Mind if I take this into the back room for a minute to look it over?"

"Go ahead, but please be careful. That waffle saved my father's life during the Battle of Berlin."

He disappeared through a door at the rear of the laundromat. I had just grabbed a wedge of cheddar to add to the dryer when I heard Ed speaking quietly.

"He's here... Yes, a waffle. Belgian... Yes, of course. Please hurry."

He hung up the phone and emerged from his office.

"I'm trying to get our pancake analyzer to work with your waffle, but the syrup chromatograph is having some trouble. This might take a little while."

"That's quite all right," I replied. "By the way, I think something's wrong with your dryer." Unable to cope with 25 pounds of melted cheese, the dryer had begun emitting thick black smoke. Ed merely shrugged and disappeared from the room yet again. Just as the dryer burst into flames, several heavily-armed police officers kicked down the door; they promptly arrested me and brought some Camembert in for questioning.

Five years later...

I spent five years in federal prison for operating a commercial airliner under the influence of PCP.

I never got my waffle back.

Posted by fuckle