June 21st, 2006

  • roybot

we won't charge more, honest

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Can you fuckin' hear me now?

Posted by Reverend Tedward Q. Porktanker
  • roybot

Fred Upton is a manly man

  • Fred Upton is a manly man.
  • Fred Upton is not an angry man.
  • Fred Upton is not a spiteful man, nor is his liver diseased.
  • Fred Upton puts on his loafers before his underwear.
  • Fred Upton acknowledges God as the son of Jesus.
  • Fred Upton knows not to buy food before the freshness date has passed.
  • Fred Upton would never take a bribe, especially from lobbyists.
  • Fred Upton believes net neutrality could cripple the internet.
  • Fred Upton believes that net neutrality would stifle innovation.
  • Fred Upton wants you to know that telecom companies care about human dignity.


Posted by Reverend Tedward Q. Porktanker
  • roybot

Schmuck q. Schlimazel and the Ten Kilowatt Bagel

"Ow!!" yelled Schmuck q. Schlimiel at the giant bagel, rubbing his zapped ass gingerly. "That fucking hurt!"

Schmuck q. Schlimiel then proceeded to give the Ten Kilowatt Bagel a piece of his mind, expressing his hopes that the following things would happen to it:
  • It would recieve a gift it did not want, and have to pay a restocking fee upon returning it.
  • That it would lose the ability to sweat everywhere except its armpits, so it was always sweltering and still had to use deoderant.
  • That it go on a low-carb diet for months, only to discover it was also high-calorie.
  • It would lose its job, yet still be under contractual obligations.
  • That it would hire a lobbying company, only to find it was owned by Jack Abramoff.
  • That it would purchase the world's most expensive hairpiece, only to have its hair grow back.
  • That it spend a month to let to level 99, only to discover the game merely looped back to level 01 (and reset its score)
  • That it would pay handsomly for a customized car, only to find it was a yugo.

The Bagel zapped him again.

Posted by Reverend Tedward Q. Porktanker
  • roybot

stolene informs

top secret riced out yugo phonebook:
the vietnamese telephone ministry: 323-221-7625
the armenian bible church: 817-282-0281
mystery mormons (fax): 801-240-1187
the flower shop where I got the violet violet to put in my jet-black hair: 505-983-978

At this point the piece of paper I stole from Eugene was ripped off.

Posted by Mr. The Plague (mastar of teh gibson)
  • roybot

DPDT

We truely hope that your experience has been the finest it can be.
Without your support, the floppy disk drive industry couldn't
be what it is today.

Lucky numbers:
2, 14, 88, 2384, 9939617914882059723833462648323979853562951413

CANCER STICKS MAKE LASER VISIBLE!



Posted by wolf530 (analog hacker extraordinaire)
  • roybot

FRUSTRATION

"Have you ever wondered why they tell you not to put more than 2 sticks of lead in your mechanical pencil?", I asked the glass face of the TV.

Being a composition of lead, quartz, plastic, yttrium (for the red), and various other chemical compounds, didn't respond. So I punched it, somehow breaking my 0.5 mm Ph.D pencil that takes the extra-long eraser that I can never find anywhere in the process.

After realizing that my homework wouldn't finish itself, I hit "Post!!1" on www.ricedoutyugo.com, decided to tell the readers that I lied about my pencil breaking, and proceeded to hold a death-grip on that writing implement and carve my fucking integrals and derivatives through the paper so hard that I ended up writing on the calculus book underneath my notepad.

Posted by Mr. The Plague (mastar of teh gibson)