August 5th, 2005

  • roybot

lentheian wat

all hail the river euphrades, and its spectacular bevy of hot dog dispenseries. you've probably never given them much thought; nay, you've probably never given them any thought. but they must be considered, along with other great questions in life. questions such as:
  • What exactly is easy cheese?
  • Are hedgehogs the solution to the upcoming energy crisis?
  • Why are HTML unordered lists so awesome?
  • How does one pronounce "rutabaga," if asked to do so under extreme emotional duress?
  • How many times does Shakespeare use the word "the" in Hamlet?
  • How many times does Shakespeare use the word "Hamlet" in Hamlet?
  • Did Shakespeare pick his nose?
  • Would Shakespeare pick George W. Bush's nose?
  • wat?
  • Where's the beef?
Unfortunately, the point of the daily 9-5 grind seems to be to stop one from walking around in the world, and thinking. To stop people from considering the important questions in life, to stop people from figuring out what really matters, and to stop people from picking their nose. Or Shakespeare's nose.

Posted by Reverend Tedward Q. Porktanker
  • roybot

whacked out on pancakes

tangentially, the meridan of barcelona rains cheesy poofs thrice per fortnight. recent changes in the planet's climate due to pollution, global warming, solar flares, and goats, however, have caused the frequency of cheesy poof rain to increase dramaticly. while this is seemingly minor in the grand scheme of things, it has actually caused a ripple effect, devastating cheesy poof sales, which has, in turn, caused the price of artifical cheese to plummet, which has, in turn, caused many artificial cheese farmers to turn up in unemployment lines.

said a farmer waiting in line: "only one man can save us now: janet reno."

Posted by Reverend Tedward Q. Porktanker
  • roybot

pancakes whacked out on pancakes

tangentially, the barcelona of meridian did doth thunder and lightning, scaring livestock and household pets alike. one cat composed a chart-topping single in response, another merely licked himself. why do animals do that? millions of scientific funding has gone into the problem (including one experiment where scientists licked animals, for which the responsible institute later apologized), but no results have been forthcoming. the fourth coming of christ has also not been forthcoming. for the coming of christ is haphazard at best - his old buick station wagon is prone to mechanical problems, and, well, turning water into wine won't fucking help you there.

Posted by Reverend Tedward Q. Porktanker
  • roybot

phrase to your mother

what, exactly, is the lure of buicks? is it their quaint craftsmanship? is it the built-in prune dispenser, making them so attractive to elderly drivers? is it the fact that they red-line at 20 miles an hour?

nay, it is their taste. at one point, fuckle told me, "i ate a buick once." this was my beginning into what would be a quest that would consume three years of my life: the quest to discover the ultimate vintage of buick.

buick lesabres have a thick, dry taste, but i prefer my automobiles a little more sweet and full-bodied.

my quest ended when i had my first mouthful of buick lacrosse. it was rich and full bodied, and, more stunningly, reasonably priced.

if you would like to learn more about the culture of buick tasting, please watch for my upcoming book, "oh shit! that's some good buick."

Posted by Reverend Tedward Q. Porktanker