November 20th, 2004

canned neutron moderators

(04:19:12) FUCKLE: fantastic(04:19:23) FUCKLE: has the vodka been transmitted?(04:25:55) FUCKLE: transmutated?(04:26:00) FUCKLE: transubstantiated?(04:26:15) FUCKLE: carrier modulated?(04:26:33) FUCKLE: irrigated?(04:27:01) FUCKLE: overdeviated?(04:31:21) FUCKLE: gamma irradiated?(04:31:39) FUCKLE: precisely calibrated?(04:39:34) FUCKLE: improperly integrated?(04:40:18) FUCKLE: electroplated?(04:40:27) FUCKLE: triangulated?

Posted by fuckle

Very Vermillion Vermissitude Chapter I

Quimble McFam, Ma'am. If you don't mind me saying.

It was a crisp autumn evening, with a hint of smoke in the air. Dodging the sniper bullets, I slid into my lead-plated 1982 Toyota Corolla hatchback (BLING MUTHAFUCKA). I called it Edwin, and it didn't call me anything back, the fucker.

Edwin and I lumbered onto the freeway, gently nudging an SUV aside when it made the mistaken assumption that its weight was greater than that of the almighty Edwin. Praise Edwin.

I then started looking down the chores on my list. First, I secured a gross of Chicken McNuggets: 12 for me, 132 to pelt people with in downtown traffic (bonus points for in the sunroof).

Next, I snuck into a telco switchyard and acquired some equipment of telecommunative justice +1. This masterwork item secured, I lumbered off for where the real fun would start.

Edwin and I cut a patch through downtown traffic, nuggets blazing. Activating Edwin's heads up display (didn't your 1982 Corolla Hatchback come with one?), I called up a live map of the downtown traffic flow, eyeballed the turf, and eyeballed a route. Then I set the computer to calculate a mostly optimal route (I always like to do both... that way one catches the others mistakes).

Whitewall tires blazing, we were through the city in record time.

Edwin and I began to gain altitude, winding our way up the mountain... towards the headquarters of kitty. I was the first agent in my field to attempt such a standoff... What would happen?

FIND OUT NEXT TIME IN VERY VERMILLION VERMISSITUDE CHAPTER II

Posted by Reverend Tedward Q. Porktanker